The Clitoris: Sexual Hunger
Mother Nature has been most generous in bestowing females with the clitoris. No other part of human anatomy is designed solely to produce delight in its owner. Penises, of course, provide a lot of pleasure for men, but they are multipurpose for peeing and ejaculating sperm. The clitoris is the only organ of the body created exclusively for pleasure! [1]
Most heterosexual sex is defined as penis in the vagina until the man has an orgasm. According to research, however, only 20% of women climax in this way. This leaves 80% of very unhappy women to figure out how to get their clitoris involved and stimulated during sex in order to get satisfied. [2]
Here's how to meet and greet your clit and share your "findings" with your partner:
1. Getting to know your clitoris - Karen wasn't really sure where her clitoris resided and never had an orgasm. She faked climaxing with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend complained she was taking too long to come. Karen was really in a bind. Now what? She broke up with him shortly after. Karen began to practice becoming more aware of what pleased her by actively stimulating herself and learning what aroused her. This opened the way for a more satisfying relationship in the future where she finally found true gratification. Memo to women: don't fake it. It leaves you out in the cold and always backfires. Learn what you like through self-touch and be your own best teacher. Then you can pass it on to your partner. [3]
2. I Deserve to Come! - Down through the years, women have been sold a bill of goods that "real women" achieve orgasms exclusively through intercourse. Movies and porn films will show a woman writhing in orgasm after a mere four strokes of the penis. "What's wrong with me?" a woman may ask with some shame. The answer is nothing is wrong with you!
For women who have been sexually abused or violated, shame can run deep and getting help is key to separating the painful past from a more pleasurable present. [4]
Although some women can learn to come through intercourse (more later), any manner or method that provides enjoyment is valid and wonderful. Realizing and accepting that Mother Nature provided you with a clitoris for your enjoyment will hopefully help you accept the gift of gratification without shame.
3. Make Me Happy! - Women often refer to a man as a "bad lover" which is Girl Speak for "he never heard of a clitoris and certainly didn't pay any attention to mine." Men, in fact, fall into 2 categories: those who don't care about your needs and those who don't know how women work. Get rid of Hombre #1 if he is only selfishly interested in his satisfaction. But it's up to you to communicate to Hombre #2 what you like and where you like it. Don't dismiss him as a bad lover if you haven't done the work to explain your needs because of shame or discomfort. Work it out! You deserve the satisfaction.
4. I am Woman. Hear Me Roar! - Learning what pleases you is the key to everything. We all have a right to become happier in their bodies and more expressive of our needs in all areas of life. Every woman's quest for sexual satisfaction is unique as a fingerprint.
Women generally like to engage their clitoris by either lying on their back or on their stomach. Some like both. Here are the positions that seem to guarantee maximum clitoral stimulation while with your partner:
On your back, your partner can stimulate your clitoris with his hand, mouth, or a vibrator and make you come before intercourse. [5] Or, during intercourse, you can stimulate yourself with your hand or a vibrator. Many women find touching the clitoris directly is too sensitive and like it better when they stimulate the clitoris higher up on the shaft.
Or on your stomach, you can rock your clitoris against your partner's body until you come. Laura, one creative young woman, found that she liked to rub against her boyfriend's knee until she orgasmed while giving him oral sex at the same time. A win/win proposition!
You can also explore your G-spot, called the "internal clitoris" and try to engage that spot during intercourse or with your partner's fingers. To discover your G-spot, sit on the toilet and insert your middle finger with the pad of your finger facing toward the front. Press your finger forward, massage the area, tap it, rub your finger up and down and see where you receive the best stimulation. [6]
So many ways to come! So little time! Let's get going!
Published in The Psychotherapy and Training Collective
Footnotes
[1] Nagoski, Emily, Ph.D. Come as You Are (Simon and Schuster, 2015)/ "Averaging just one-eighth the size of a penis yet loaded with nearly double the nerve endings...the clitoris extends from the little nub at the top of the vulva all the way to the vaginal opening." pg. 21
[2] Statistics provided by The Cliteracy Project. Huffington Post. http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/cliteracy-untold-story-of-the-clitoris/5558ddbcfe3444fb0d0002cc AND
http://sogc.org/publications/female-orgasms-myths-and-facts/
[3] Female Masturbation: Dodson, Betty. Sex for One: The Joy of SelfLoving (Crown, 1974) and Sadie, Allison, Ph.D. Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Self Pleasure. (Tickle Kitty, 2001).
[4] Cohen, Mary Anne. "Sexual Abuse" in Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating (New Forge Press, 2013)
[5] Kerner, Ian. She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. (Harper Collins, 2014). "The clitoris has 8000 nerve endings; the penis 3000."
[6] Katz, Ditza and Tabisel, Lynn. Parting the Curtains (Womens Therapy Center, 2015) "The clitoris, and not the vagina, is the primary female erogenous structure, the anatomical parallel to the male's penis. The vagina, on the other hand, is not an erogenous zone per se, but a passageway." pg. 97
Published in MindBodyGreen.com
